If the backbenchers were not enough to torture Mr. Zende, the University system did little to provide respite for him. The exclusion of practicals for mathematics paper stripped him of any dominance he could have had and exposed him in the open without cover. The students, as soon as they got to know about this chink in his armour- if armour is what you would call, they won half the battle and made him their easy picking. Had Mr. Zende read the story of the bird caught in the bull-shit and how the moment she made noises she was on the menu list for the passing-by fox, he would have fared better. But Mr. Zende who was apparently in a truck full of bullshit, the sinusoidal frequency of his babblings were always enough to attract the backbenchers.
There are a plethora of incidents that took place during our one and a half year acquaintance with him. One such incident occurred during the early stages of the 1st semester. Mr. Zende, though by none of his faults, suffers from what you may call –slight astigmatism and to make matters worse, has a temper shorter than his height. One day it so happened that some middle bencher thought of impressing some chick sitting on the first row and for no obvious reasons thought that throwing a chalk at her would do that. It is difficult to say which classic movie inspired this move of his, as he picked up a piece of chalk lying nearby and took an aim at her, but sadly to say that his aim was as much off the mark as his thought process of impressing this chick. Now, if this Romeo had had some basic understanding of Mathematics and Science, he should have known that you don’t have to use a trajectory path to hit a target as close as 10 feet. Even if you being blindfolded, throw a chalk at a target as close as 10 feet, you would at the max miss the target by not more than a couple of feet, but on this occasion, the chalk hit the ceiling fan rotating at full speed and the chalk now headed (with extra momentum provided by the fan) for the head of Prof Zende who at the same time happened to turn at the direction of the throw (maybe because of the sound of the chalk hitting the fan).
The chain of events occurred so fast that nobody had any reaction time whatsoever, and Mr. Zende not having the best of reaction times took the full blow of the chalk, which hit him like a bullet. Now, short people generally have big ego and moreover you don’t expect someone like Mr. Zende, being assaulted in the public domain to take these misadventures sportingly. For the first 30 seconds he did not move, and for the next 30 seconds all he did was moving in arbitrary directions in quick steps (maybe a way to get rid of the hallucination which he received at the impact of the chalk). The next 30 seconds saw the sinusoidal waves coming out in ultra frequency from his lips, which was difficult even for the backbenchers to catch or comprehend.
Mr. Zende the teacher now became Mr. Zende the detective. In a desperate bid to catch hold of his unknown assaulter, he started trying every trick in the book only to notice he didn’t have many. He urged the students to come up and confess, first by coaxing and then by threatening. No response.
“ Good then, if nobody owns this responsibility, the whole class would suffer. I’ll flunk everybody in the practicals ” -came the threat.
“But sir, we don’t have practicals in Mathematics” replied somebody instantly from the back and the whole class burst into laughter.
The retort hit Mr. Zende harder than the chalk and any step backward for him would be a embarrassing defeat. So Mr. Zende decided to take the matter into his own hands. He started to apply permutation, combination, Newton’s laws of motions; translational and rotational dynamics all into one theory to trace the origin of the chalk trajectory and unfortunately the backbenchers became the usual suspects.
The backbenchers, living on the one side of LOC were ready for such calamities and allegations and had all the cards up their sleeves. These are the people who would not own responsibility even if caught red handed, and now when they were as innocent as the chalk that landed on Mr. Zende, were all ready to swing into action. Meanwhile, somebody leaked the classified information about the abnormal turn of events that was taking place at this class to the adjoining class and a huge roar of laughter emanated from there. This time, it didn’t require the entire mathematical and physical hypothesis for Mr. Zende to figure out the source of this sudden change in the decibel level in the serene atmosphere of the college.
Mr. Zende darted towards this source, as a hungry lion would do at the slightest rumblings in the grasses. The backbenchers saw this opportunity to payback Mr. Zende for the false allegation and so somebody from their group closed the doors of the class from inside. It seemed that the hitting of the chalk had enhanced Mr. Zende’s hearing capabilities now, because no sooner did he hear the shutting of the doors in the first classroom, he made a desperate attempt to hold his position back, but it seemed he ran out of all his luck that day.
Not only did he fail to breach the doors, but also ended up knocking down his knees on the rostrum of the other class. If this predicament of his was not enough, as soon as he left the other classroom, some backbenchers from the other class did exactly the same thing- closing the doors from inside.
Mr. Zende desperately tried knocking on both the doors but to no avail. All he could hear was continuous laughter from both the classes and this time even his heightened olfactory nerves could not decide which was louder.
There are a plethora of incidents that took place during our one and a half year acquaintance with him. One such incident occurred during the early stages of the 1st semester. Mr. Zende, though by none of his faults, suffers from what you may call –slight astigmatism and to make matters worse, has a temper shorter than his height. One day it so happened that some middle bencher thought of impressing some chick sitting on the first row and for no obvious reasons thought that throwing a chalk at her would do that. It is difficult to say which classic movie inspired this move of his, as he picked up a piece of chalk lying nearby and took an aim at her, but sadly to say that his aim was as much off the mark as his thought process of impressing this chick. Now, if this Romeo had had some basic understanding of Mathematics and Science, he should have known that you don’t have to use a trajectory path to hit a target as close as 10 feet. Even if you being blindfolded, throw a chalk at a target as close as 10 feet, you would at the max miss the target by not more than a couple of feet, but on this occasion, the chalk hit the ceiling fan rotating at full speed and the chalk now headed (with extra momentum provided by the fan) for the head of Prof Zende who at the same time happened to turn at the direction of the throw (maybe because of the sound of the chalk hitting the fan).
The chain of events occurred so fast that nobody had any reaction time whatsoever, and Mr. Zende not having the best of reaction times took the full blow of the chalk, which hit him like a bullet. Now, short people generally have big ego and moreover you don’t expect someone like Mr. Zende, being assaulted in the public domain to take these misadventures sportingly. For the first 30 seconds he did not move, and for the next 30 seconds all he did was moving in arbitrary directions in quick steps (maybe a way to get rid of the hallucination which he received at the impact of the chalk). The next 30 seconds saw the sinusoidal waves coming out in ultra frequency from his lips, which was difficult even for the backbenchers to catch or comprehend.
Mr. Zende the teacher now became Mr. Zende the detective. In a desperate bid to catch hold of his unknown assaulter, he started trying every trick in the book only to notice he didn’t have many. He urged the students to come up and confess, first by coaxing and then by threatening. No response.
“ Good then, if nobody owns this responsibility, the whole class would suffer. I’ll flunk everybody in the practicals ” -came the threat.
“But sir, we don’t have practicals in Mathematics” replied somebody instantly from the back and the whole class burst into laughter.
The retort hit Mr. Zende harder than the chalk and any step backward for him would be a embarrassing defeat. So Mr. Zende decided to take the matter into his own hands. He started to apply permutation, combination, Newton’s laws of motions; translational and rotational dynamics all into one theory to trace the origin of the chalk trajectory and unfortunately the backbenchers became the usual suspects.
The backbenchers, living on the one side of LOC were ready for such calamities and allegations and had all the cards up their sleeves. These are the people who would not own responsibility even if caught red handed, and now when they were as innocent as the chalk that landed on Mr. Zende, were all ready to swing into action. Meanwhile, somebody leaked the classified information about the abnormal turn of events that was taking place at this class to the adjoining class and a huge roar of laughter emanated from there. This time, it didn’t require the entire mathematical and physical hypothesis for Mr. Zende to figure out the source of this sudden change in the decibel level in the serene atmosphere of the college.
Mr. Zende darted towards this source, as a hungry lion would do at the slightest rumblings in the grasses. The backbenchers saw this opportunity to payback Mr. Zende for the false allegation and so somebody from their group closed the doors of the class from inside. It seemed that the hitting of the chalk had enhanced Mr. Zende’s hearing capabilities now, because no sooner did he hear the shutting of the doors in the first classroom, he made a desperate attempt to hold his position back, but it seemed he ran out of all his luck that day.
Not only did he fail to breach the doors, but also ended up knocking down his knees on the rostrum of the other class. If this predicament of his was not enough, as soon as he left the other classroom, some backbenchers from the other class did exactly the same thing- closing the doors from inside.
Mr. Zende desperately tried knocking on both the doors but to no avail. All he could hear was continuous laughter from both the classes and this time even his heightened olfactory nerves could not decide which was louder.
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